intro

the silence seeps through the dark walls. i roll over in bed to find that no one is there. does anyone know how i feel in these early morning hours? lying alone in my bed. i am alone with only my thoughts as companions, and even those are pretty lonely most of the time. the day is drifting by but somehow i have no will to get up. everything i care about is away on holiday and i dont think i can make it through the winter. does anyone know what it is like to be me? does anyone care? does anyone even know the way it feels to wake up every morning to the sound of silence the way i do? silence that says no one understands you. no one knows the real you. and then i know its going to be a long day. coffee and cigarettes are my only sweet escape. the thoughts pour in but they feel like a long lost friend. now they rush me through my day until i can once more crawl into bed and escape to places i would love to stay. the dreams of yet another day. the days pass slowly by and they are all the same. they slip by and the weather grows colder and colder every day. this is the only way i know. this is how it is for me. can anyone help me? does anyone know how much i miss LIFE? but for now. its just me, coffee and cigarettes.